The Mating List or Free Advise

My husband and I are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary this year.  Our children have grown and flown away from the nest.  This is a wonderful time of life,  I love watching my children from a distance and I love being alone in the house with my husband.

As an empty-nester I have learned a few things though.

• First,  I really like my adult children and wish we lived closer.
• Second, it has been confirmed that I am the messiest person in our family and I miss having my children at home to clean-up after me.
• Third, I can never really cut the apron strings because the bonds of love are just too strong.  As a result, I continue to worry about my children and want to keep the free advise flowing--freely.

Our children are all at that marrying age of life.  One is successfully wed the others at various stages of the process.  This should be fun, but my goodness, how I worry. All the little worries of childhood seem trivial to this one.  I have often thought it peculiar that the two most important things we do in life, marry and parent, come with so few specific instructions and guidelines.

As a teen I made my share of lists of what I wanted in a husband.  I laugh at them now; they were pretty shallow and event or activity specific. My dear husband fell short on most accounts.  Bless his heart, I don't think he even had a list. (That was certainly advantageous for me.)  However, he does not fall short as a husband. He has been wonderful to me.  When we were at the deciding point in our relationship, I was worried because I was not giddy and infatuated.   He was, however,  about the nicest person in the world.  I prayed hard and the answer I received was "He will take good care of you."  He has done just that and has provided us with not only a lovely, but a happy home.  I want my children to be so fortunate. 

So, just in case my children should ask, I have thought carefully about what I think is most important to consider when selecting ones spouse. Here is my new list after 30 years of marriage:

• Does he share my same religious beliefs?
• Who are the people he spends the most time with?
• How does he spend his spare time?
• How does he treat people, like his family members, their friends, and strangers?
• Does being with him make me want to be a better person?
• Do I like who he is, or do I want to change him?
• What is his work ethic and what are his aspirations?
• How does he feel about the things that are important to me?
• What are his financial expectations and spending habits?
• Do we work together well?
• Together do we make a better whole? 
• Are you willing to live close to my parents so my mother can see the grandchildren all the time?

Have I left anything out?  Please help me build this list if you have suggestions.

One year there were three marriages of young people that I knew and loved who within the first month of marriage discovered some most frightening things.  One had a spouse who was a drug addict, one spouse was not very devoted to the church, and one had severe mental illness.  All ended in divorce.  How tragic not to know those basic things before marriage.  Perhaps the list approach is not as effective as asking questions and spending time doing a variety of activities, including working and serving together.  Observing how others react to them and how you feel around them should also be taken into consideration. 

There are no guarantees that when we marry life will be blissful.  We all change and our lives change.  Making a wise and smart choice in the beginning will help, and we are promised great blessings by being true and faithful to each other and to God.

Marriage is a wonderful institution!  It takes a lot of energy and focus to be successful, but it is so worth it.  The honeymoon does end, but each day can be sweet as we develop the attributes of charity and work together towards a strong and happy family.